From October 15, 2012:
It’s been some time.
Have been very focused on completing “Crossing the River” the last few
months. My wonderful editor Matt
was there for the whole ride, trying this, trying that, tweaking this, moving
that, until finally, I feel very strongly about the film. There is a particular scene that was
tried in two completely different sections of the film, giving a different
feeling to the entire piece. Many
people liked it in the beginning of the film – starting it out with a
bang. Many people liked it towards
the end as I originally had it – something to build up to. I finally tuned out all the
(very-helpful) voices and listened to my heart.
I have no idea whether the completed film will appear in
festivals, will win any awards, or garner any huge amount of attention. All I know is, it feels like my work,
my vision, my painting. I feel that
has to be at the top of the list (of granted, many other important aspects of
filmmaking) for the final cut – can the filmmaker live with it and stand behind
it? Yes, I can.
Miranda has now
started school. She loves it. I think she was finally ready for it
and embraces it with open arms and heart.
She’s made a new friend who she adores. It is all very sweet.
I am able to get dribs and drabs of work done during the
short 2 ½ hours she is in school… minus the driving time to and from at the
beginning and end…
I am now preparing 2 separate feature scripts for
development to be ready by December.
Am going to practice BEST USE OF TIME.
There is one other thing I really wanted to discuss. It is: does the filmmaker believe in
herself and her vision? And when I
say herself, I do mean herself. I
feel that some women have a natural confidence and brazenness, and I have met
many of them throughout my life.
But I would say that many more have to constantly work at it.. it is not
something that was taught to us or comes naturally.
When I was about to direct my last short film in 2010, I
remember looking online for resources about leadership for women
directors. I couldn’t find
anything. I asked female filmmaker
friends and that was very helpful.
The rest I have learned through directing that film (“Other People’s
Houses”) and then the next one (“Crossing the River”).
There isn’t a course on Women Directors and Leadership that
I know of. If there is, I want to
take it.
In the meantime, this is what I have learned:
1) Block out all the voices in your head that question your ability to lead, even if they are comments from well-meaning friends (i.e. “I never pictured you as a director”, etc.). Keep only the positive feedback at the forefront of your mind when preparing to direct, when directing, when talking about directing, when talking about your project, when sending emails, etc.
2) Believe in yourself. To quote the words of Martha Graham (which my amazing acting teacher Fred Kareman often used to quote): “There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and there is only one of you in all time. This expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium; and be lost. The world will not have it./It is not your business to determine how good it is, not how it compares with other expression. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open./No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.”
3) When on the set, integrate all the best parts of yourself. Keep your thoughts on the work at hand and the meaning of the film. Also learn to juggle the varying needs of your cast, crew, producers, and in my case, family.
4) Get as much sleep as you can. Difficult but one can try.
5) Through all the challenges (and there WILL be challenges), keep a positive outlook throughout. You are living out your dream of directing a film. Savor the moment.
6) Don’t be afraid to be assertive. It is in fact necessary at moments.
7) See #2.
1) Block out all the voices in your head that question your ability to lead, even if they are comments from well-meaning friends (i.e. “I never pictured you as a director”, etc.). Keep only the positive feedback at the forefront of your mind when preparing to direct, when directing, when talking about directing, when talking about your project, when sending emails, etc.
2) Believe in yourself. To quote the words of Martha Graham (which my amazing acting teacher Fred Kareman often used to quote): “There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and there is only one of you in all time. This expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium; and be lost. The world will not have it./It is not your business to determine how good it is, not how it compares with other expression. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open./No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.”
3) When on the set, integrate all the best parts of yourself. Keep your thoughts on the work at hand and the meaning of the film. Also learn to juggle the varying needs of your cast, crew, producers, and in my case, family.
4) Get as much sleep as you can. Difficult but one can try.
5) Through all the challenges (and there WILL be challenges), keep a positive outlook throughout. You are living out your dream of directing a film. Savor the moment.
6) Don’t be afraid to be assertive. It is in fact necessary at moments.
7) See #2.
Thank you for reading…….. plan to write more regularly here,
as I enjoy it.
Emilie
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